Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
