I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
