now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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