Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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