We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
