Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
