Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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