Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
