WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
This is my gift to your gina
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
