sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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