im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think I won the penis lottery.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
