I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
