24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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