my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
