I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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