Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
