My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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