Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize