you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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