Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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