As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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