OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
