no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
