2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
