return my video game
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
