i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
