Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So vagazzling was a success
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