DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
