so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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