I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
did you just send me my own nude
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
