i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When did angry sex become our thing?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
