I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
