Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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