I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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