Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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