You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize