I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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