Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
