So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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