youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
