what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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