You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize