the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
