I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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