remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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