I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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