I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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