If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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