This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
