Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
