how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
