I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
