I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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