I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
