felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
