i think my mom watched the whole time
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
