So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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