Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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