I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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