i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
