so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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