I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am spending my child support on dildos
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
