she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
