i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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