Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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