I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
