A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
