U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
