you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
