I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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