At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
