shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
