And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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