Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
