yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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