I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Someone signed my nipple.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
