apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
