I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
