I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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